Personal empowerment is at the core of all self-help and self-esteem teachings. It is however, unfortunately, often the elusive prize at the end of the rainbow for many people. One of the reasons that I believe this to be so is because we often do not take the time to understand the difference between conscious choice and unconscious reactive behavior. Since the time I was a teen-ager, I have been on the quest for this ‘Holy Grail’ and along the way I have learned many lessons. Today I happen to come across a copy of the May 2008 issue of Ebony magazine and I read an interesting article on a well known celebrity that exemplifies the greater possibilities that we are capable of experiencing in our lives when we make the conscious choice to go for personal empowerment instead of falling unconsciously once again into the role of the victim.

The article was an interview with Vanessa Williams, who is an accomplished professional entertainer. In the interest of time, I will only extract and discuss the pertinent highlights. Vanessa’s career began with an infamous scandal in 1983 in which nude photos of her were made public after she was crowned the first African-American Miss America in US history. Keep in mind that at this point, she is only in her early twenties. This was enough humiliation to make even a mature public figure fall and take refuge in a more quiet, unknown but private life. Instead, Vanessa said that while the criticism ALMOST knocked her down, being an avid equestrian, she used the metaphor of what she would do when she fell off of her horse- that’s right, get up and get back on. She used this adversity to motivate herself and tenaciously move forward with her dreams anyway. She said in her family, you first acknowledge and process the pain or situation, but then you move on and not ‘wallow’ in your suffering. She even applied this principal upon the sudden passing of her beloved father recently.

During the turbulent time of her public embarrassment, she met and married her first husband and continued anyway to build her very public career. This was an effect of her choice not to quit and to maintain her faith in the face of adversity. Though she was to face another major test of courage when she and her first husband divorced, she looked for the good that certainly came out of this marriage which were three of her four children. She married and divorced again, this time the breakup was between her and a well known, heartthrob professional athlete. She had one child in this marriage. Even though she really wanted to stay in her marriage relationship, she has managed to appreciate the positives and amazingly enough, during Thanksgiving holidays, she has managed to bring together both of her ex-husbands and all of the combined children together for what sounds like a genuinely harmonious holiday celebration. Obviously, forgiveness has been a powerful lesson for Vanessa as well as beneficial for her relationships and confidence. She has learned to not to try to ‘control life’. She is quoted as saying “‘Everything is unexpected’ is a great premise to live by…It’s a release when you can approach life like that.”

This is a very POWERFUL paradox to leading an empowered life and should be contemplated. I have personally learned that trying to micro-manage the details of life leads to frustration and often self-sabotage.

Finally I noted that she makes it a point to not take life too seriously and she makes time for fun and enjoyment, making sure that she continues to have experiences that expand her personal growth.

In summary, the seven keys, that I take from this article and that I too strive to apply to my own life are as follows:

• Look for the positive in every situation

• When you fall down in life, find the courage to rise back up and use the situation for motivation

• Feel the pain and process it, then LET IT GO!

• Do not wallow in self-pity

• Practice forgiveness as this is for your own peace of mind and general health (yes, health!)

• Stop trying to control life, it is a waste of energy anyway and paradoxically, surrender empowers you

• Make sure you are growing and having fun!

The recipe for an empowered life is not the usual reactionary way of resisting challenges when they appear as we are often, unconsciously taught. When we face the facts in our life consciously and decide to respond with actions that align with principals of courage and flexibility, we are able to navigate the unexpected twists and turns of life with confidence, dignity and grace. Personal empowerment must be a conscious choice.