4 Main Ways to Face Personal Challenges
By Elaine Sihera

1. Every day, try to free yourself from the desire for perfection and allow your confidence to grow. It was the Buddhist Lama Yeshe who said, "Self-confidence is not a feeling of superiority, but of independence." That is an important point to remember: that you do not feel good because you are better than someone else. You feel good purely because of your own efforts and achievements. Confidence is not puffed up, arrogant, selfish or boastful. It is a quiet and unmistakable authority which motivates and inspires others. Self-confidence comes from being challenged to one's limits, meeting the challenges, having a sense of fulfilment and then setting new limits. We can only learn by admitting we don't know everything, and never will.

As another Buddhist advises, "Be light, humorous, eager to learn, courageous to change and not afraid of making mistakes. Emotionally beating yourself up is not helping you or the world; it does not change the past nor does it change the future. It only makes the present miserable." Absolutely.

2. Perseverance
This quality will make a big difference to your life, so please bear it in mind. Do not not expect everything to happen at once or overnight, but it should not take too long either. Life is a journey, not a series of unconnected events. If you treat it as such, you will always be ready for the unexpected pit stop. You will accept that life will go on for you, with every day being a different one, until you don't exist anymore. The extent to which you enjoy and benefit from your life depends on the state in which you make that journey, whether you are positive or negative, an optimist or a pessimist.

Having off-days in emotions, when you have to recharge to face the next day or hurdle, is absolutely fine too. Don't fall into despair just because your mood changes and you feel overwhelmed, sad or anxious at any particular time. We are not machines. The off-days are as important for recharging those emotional batteries as the good days. It's when every day is an off-day that life is truly problematic. If your self-esteem is consistently low, or you've tried confidence remedies and there is no improvement at all, it might be worth seeking professional help. It could be that you never really developed a high opinion of yourself during your childhood and you now lack a firm, positive base to build on in appreciating yourself as a valid, but flawed, extraordinary human being.

3. Take Risks
If you have a problem or worry, it means it is time for change and something needs to be done differently. If you do not change, you will keep getting the same old problem. Always approach new experiences as opportunities to learn and develop rather than occasions to merely win or lose. Doing so presents new possibilities for your abilities which can increase your sense of self-worth, while providing opportunities to release that inner talent and reserve. It's always the challenge of the new, and the act of accepting these challenges at varying levels, which increase our self-confidence. Not doing so turns every possibility into a projected failure and inhibits personal growth.

For example, as I encourage contributions and opinions from our small office of four staff, it is often like a mad inventor's studio where we have many ideas for the business every week, while accepting that only few will ever work. The main outcome is that everyone has a sense of ownership and responsibility for every aspect of their work, making even the most junior worker feel significant. The beauty is to give room for those thoughts, to take the risks which seem realistic, and to wait. The right ones will always work, though perhaps not in the way we expect, or the time expected. Doing nothing simply brings us nothing.

4. Don't Be Defeated
If at first you don't succeed, try something else. Everyone fails before they succeed. Think back to when you were a baby and learning to walk. You crawled first, then you stood up in an unsteady way, constantly landing on your bum. But repeatedly doing this improved your balance and built your confidence to take those first magical steps. Then you walked and, before long, you were running. However, there would have been many false starts and landings before you were able to run. As an adult, all you need is the same belief in, and patience with, yourself; the time to grow confidently and the determination to stick at it. By the law of averages, you will succeed in the end.

I am a living example of that with the business I created. Twelve years on, it is only just beginning to respond in the way I first envisaged because I too had to develop and grow with it. It doesn't mean I never had self-doubts, never felt foolhardy or demoralised, or not wanted to pack it in – especially in the face of a lack of support and too many crises. But the success is all the more enjoyable and well earned because of the long wait, personal enjoyment and persistent self-belief involved.

How HAPPY are YOU? Try our simple HAPPINESS QUIZ to test how you feel about yourself just now. Being unhappy robs you of opportunities and success. How do you REALLY feel now?

ELAINE SIHERA (www.myspace.com/elaineone) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and lifestyle columnist. Confidential advice on personal/relationship issues is available on the quiz site. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a Personal Empowerment, Relationships and Diversity Consultant. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men and Women of the Year Achievement Awards. She describes herself as, "Fit, Fabulous and Ready to Fly!"

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I think this is a very important point to note, and to take heed of…

I have found in my case, that when I actually took the plunge, as it were, that I found I was capable of more than I'd imagined, and grew in my self confidence greatly as well.

Not a bad double result of good.

You see, we often look at all the reasons why we might fail, and not succeed, and this can be very limiting. However, if we manage to pull ourselves through our point of indeciseveness, or uncertainty, we can do very much better ultimately…

It is entirely about our belief in ourselves.  I fully appreciate it is not always easy to beleive in ourselves, but sometimes, if we don't who else will?   You may be fortunate in that regard, but let me tell you, from my experience, no one wants your success, more than you do. You do want it, right?  I hope so. So let's get cracking.

I actually have said in an article I wrote, not too long ago, that if you are going to start something, it may look like you're not making much progress at fort, but I assure you that you will make massive progress, once you get going.

I like to use the example of tidying up a store room.  I was given this job for the store room at the company I was working at, and when I first started, for the first few hours, it actually looked a little worse, until I got into it, and started to really make a difference.  It is like this, as I had to empty the shelves somewhere (I just picked a point on one end), and then pull things off, and placed them o the floor.

I then re stacked the shelves, with items grouped together to represent their categories.

After a while, it all started to make sense.

It is very similar to the points taught by Bob Proctor. It;'s all about making up your mind, and going for it. I also re program myself daily, so to speak, to recharge my 'dedication, and keep at it batteries'. Nothing good ever happened by someone not prepared to be persistent, and provide quality. The same applies to you as ell. Be focused, determined, and committed. I can assure you that with persistence, you will make any goal you set.

I was really blown away, when I realized how easy it can be to share my knowledge with others.

The fact is, you can share your knowledge as well, and profit from it, so it becomes a win win situation for everybody concerned.

This is a massive bonus for all concerned.

I came across this point a few months ago, and have started writing my own reports on areas that I am knowledgeable in.

In addition to this, I am also helping other people to develop their writing skills, and develop their report writing techniques.

I have included a video on this issue below, which is a relatively short one- onl;y around 4 minutes.

Product_Report_Writing_Creation

As an added bonus, I have found that report writing has also aided me in reducing my panic attacks, in that I am more confident, and able to help others at the same time.

This is a huge boost to my self confidence, and ability to manage myself in difficult situations.

I used to always be amazed at the number of people that were scared of public speaking, but after speaking with many of them, as well as understanding their fear towards panic attacks and anxiety, I am now able to help more and more people, and have learnt to apply my reports writing, as if I am talking to a friend in front of me. It really makes a big difference when you look at it this way.

Hence, to learn more about anxiety control, I recommend you look at the reduced panic attack site.